Introducing Sex Toys into a Relationship - Joni Morrissey Sexologist

This is the first in our new series of blogs written by our new resident Sexologist Joni Morrissey

Sex toys can be a great way to ensure that all parties are having fun during sex. From finding new erogenous zones to learning how to reach orgasm, vibrators can enhance intimacy with your partner. Everyone has different needs and desires, and sex toys can be a great way to make sure everyone can finish. However, bringing up this subject can be difficult, as we don’t want to invalidate our partner's feelings by suggesting that they aren’t enough to satisfy our needs. There is a misconception that vibrators are for solo use, or can only be used by one party during sex. This also means that it can be difficult to bring this up with a partner, especially if you haven’t had that conversation before. When a couple has good communication skills and can ask for what they want and need during sex play, then the use of dildos and vibrators as well as other sexual paraphernalia is just another way to increase pleasure. A lot of people are also too scared to ‘rock the boat’ and change from vanilla sex, but opening up this conversation is going to make it a lot easier for you and your partner to understand each other, and therefore have more enjoyable sex. 

 How to go from wanting to introduce toys into your relationship to actually, introducing sex toys into your relationship remains the question. Below are a few handy tips to help you broach the topic.

Is your timing right - set aside time outside of sex for a conversation about bringing toys into your play. There is no optimal time frame in a relationship to talk about sex toys. Months or even years down the road, once you’ve started having more open and regular conversations about your sexual wants and needs, you can raise the topic.

You might also try saying, 'I'd love for us to look at toys together to enhance the sensations for the both of us.' Or, 'I love when we have sex and I think it might be fun to try something different together'

Or, if you're interested in using something like a vibrating cock ring or vibrating harness, you could say 'I'd love to try something you can wear.' Again, make it clear that it's not about replacing your partner, but experiencing something new together.

You need to know that what you're proposing is totally normal—and not a big deal. It's completely normal to want to add sex toys into the bedroom, to want to experiment with someone you trust and/or love, or even to need a vibrator to reach orgasm,

If you are both on the same page go shopping together, whether it’s online or a physical shop. Once you become accustomed to looking at different sex toys together it will be a lot of fun too!

The benefits of sex toys.

Every relationship is VERY different. Sex aids make it easier for everyone to have the best experience possible, using vibrators, dildo’s and butt plugs in your relationship can help you have more enjoyable sex and quicker and more intense orgasms but also help to foster a more intimate relationship. They can also be used solo (even when you are in a relationship) eg. if you’re long-distance, or maybe your partner just likes to watch you get off. Sex toys shouldn’t be considered a replacement for human contact, but as a way to help people learn more about their bodies and what feels good. Overall, they can be a catalyst to growing sexually and allow you to have a more enjoyable time. It’s been proven that orgasms relieve stress and boost your mood, and toys are just another way to achieve.