An Introduction to Bondage
BONDAGE, for many this conjures up images of whips, chains, leather and spikes. Since the release of the hugely popular 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy (which sold 100 million copies world wide) it has made its way more into the mainstream with women everywhere seeing the possibilities of new sexual experiences, for example, after the 50 Shades Darker erotic scene between Christian and Ana sales in spreader bars sky rocketed.
According to the website Kinkly.com “Bondage is a form of sex play in which one person restrains another for sexual pleasure. People enjoy bondage for many different reasons. They like the feeling of being out of control of their own pleasure, or they like the idea of being "used," even if it's in a consensual manner. The "B" in BDSM, bondage is about allowing another person to be in control of your pleasure. Some people believe that the delayed gratification involved in bondage and other BDSM activities can make for a more powerful orgasm. Bondage can involve anything from handcuffs, blindfolds and basic restraints, to ropes, gags, sex furniture, and even cages.”
If you’re wondering if this could be something for you but your thinking - where to start? How do I tell my partner? Then this article is for you.
So you want to try Bondage but you have no idea if your partner is on the same page. What if they freak out? What if they think I’m too Kinky?.... One suggestion is to watch a movie together that has a bondage theme - probably best to keep it reasonably soft for starters) 50 Shades of Grey is probably as good a start as anything. Plant the idea in their mind without even saying anything, see how they react to it and it’s a great way to start a possibly tricky conversation. “God that scene where he tied her hands together was really hot, that could be fun to try”...
Opening up to a partner about your desires and needs can be hard but also great for building intimacy and trust in your relationship. It takes trust to allow someone to be with you in such an intimate and vulnerable way.
When starting out no matter what you are trying, trust and communication are key, discuss what you both want to try, what your boundaries are. Having a safe word is highly recommended. Knowing that saying one simple word stops it right there can help put you and your partner at ease, helping you relax and enjoy the experience more.
Start small and simple - the simple act of being blindfolded is the perfect place to start off, for the receiver losing that one sense heightens the rest so every touch is more erotic, the anticipation of what’s coming next and where builds the excitement. For the giver, watching you enjoy their touch can be a huge turn on too, seeing what you respond too and controlling your pleasure. Then next time switch roles you may find you enjoy one over the other more.
When you are ready to move it up a notch, adding restraints is the next step. This could be simply your partner holding your wrists together above your head during sex.
There are many types of restraints out there for every level. Starting out with fluffy cuffs or basic velcro wrist and ankle restraints through to hogtie sets , behind the back restraints and more. Being restrained and giving your partner total control over your pleasure can be a huge turn on for both of you.
“You are tied by the wrists and ankles to the bed, your partner has a sex toy, they can tease you, stop/start whenever they like. Bring you right to the edge and stop, then start again over and over and over….” I’ll stop there.
Everyone’s story will be different, and that's the great thing about sex, it’s not about anyone else, there are no hard and fast rules, go with what you are comfortable with, try new things, if you don’t enjoy it, you don’t do it again.
So you’ve gone online to look at bondage equipment and you're overwhelmed by restraints, whips, masks, ball gags - What hell even is a ball gag? What will I like? What should I start with?
As mentioned above, start small and slow. Don’t go straight for the whips and gags. Like most sexual growth it's about starting somewhere and progressing at your own pace. Often a Beginners Bondage Kit is the perfect purchase. It gives you the basics and you can pick and choose what items you use and which ones stay firmly closed in the bag, but you may find eventually you are up for more and decide to give them a go anyway.
Once you’ve given that a go it’s up to you what happens next. Online is always a great place to go to to learn more, do your research, visit a Sex Shop Or a Nauti Party Consultant to see what’s available out there and most of all, have fun experimenting.